One Step Short of Crazy

Have you ever just known something?

It doesn't make any sense. You can't describe it. God knows you can't explain it. But still, you know it just the same.

Call it a sixth sense. But sometimes it really does happen. There's that indescribable thing inside of you that tells you something is true; something that cannot possibly be true, but you believe it anyway.

You might say it's instinct or just a gut feeling, but what about when it's more than that? Something that you stick to, even when everyone else says it's not true. A conviction maybe?

How about when you're willing to risk anything and everything for this belief? You're safety, health, pride; your future. What do you call it then?

There's nothing to call it. You just know.

Personally, this is a really tough idea for me to grasp. I'm a realist (which is just what pessimists call themselves in public), so I like to have hard evidence before I believe in something or someone. Give me a reason to trust you, then I'll think about it. You need to convince me that something has merit, and then I need to see it for myself before I can count on it.

Needless to say, I'm no fun in a "seeing is believing" debate.

But every once in a while (and by that I mean about three times in my life) I've become so convinced of something without any convincing. I've had proof without being shown any evidence. I've believed without seeing. And because it happens so rarely, I become consumed with it. Not in a serial-killer, newspaper-clippings-taped-to-my-wall kind of way, it's more like the way Nicholas Cage described it in National Treasure:

"One step short of crazy, what do you get?"
"Obsessed," said his stereotypically-goofy sidekick.
"Passionate," came the bold answer.

That's me. Passionate.

There's another line from National Treasure that describes me. When Cages' character is speaking of the oh-so-elusive treasure that he doesn't even know really exists, he drops this gem which is simply perfect for this piece: "I've dreamed it's real... I just wanna know it's not just something in my head or in my heart."

Again. That fits me to a tee.

I guess believing in something against all odds is never going to be easy. And to an extent, all you can do is wait, hope, and pray. But here's the nice thing about knowing something that can't be true: You can have complete certainty with nothing to back it up. You've heard of blind, dumb luck. Well this is blind, dumb hope. Maybe call it faith?

But none of that matters because I know it's going to work out in the end. There's no proof, no evidence; no reasonable reason to believe that everything will be ok, but I believe anyway. Because this WILL work out in the end; everything WILL be ok.

I just know it.